Pirates Vs Fairies Read online

  Capden Den smiled and put up his hands as if in surrender. He spoke very slowly to the two fairies, in case they couldn't understand him very well.

  "My name is Capden Den. I am captain of this vessel, mmm, do you understand that? It's a boat." The captain corrected and mimicked rowing a boat on water.

  The male fairy laughed and copied Capden Den's actions.

  "Yes, that's it!" Capden Den said excitedly.

  "Anyway, you have a price on your head and because I'm a pirate I need to get the prize. So I'm taking you back to where you came from. The trouble is I'm not sure where that is, can you help?"

  Capden Den spoke and his hands tried to communicate his words by acting as if he were looking for something far away.

  The two fairies looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Then they both got up so suddenly that Capden Den shrank back in terror.

  Then the male fairy walked towards Capden Den and took a piece of paper and a pen from the desk. As he touched the paper, it transformed from yellowed and aged parchment to brilliant white, sparkling new paper.

  Capden Den watched, open-mouthed, as the fairy wrote a little message on the paper. He then folded it up and gave it to the startled captain.

  Capden Den could not move; he held the paper in his sweaty grasp until he realised what it was he was meant to do.

  "Should I read it?" He asked.

  The fairies nodded slowly in agreement.

  Capden Den nervously opened up the paper, expecting some evil fairy magic to force him backwards but nothing happened, all he could see ahead of him was a glow of words that made his face light up as if it were being covered by the morning sun.

  Chapter Four of?

  Capden Den stood purposefully on the deck of the Anna Stesia with his shoulder-length hair shimmering in the morning sun. The fresh breeze flapped at his shirt and revealed a heroic glimpse of his sun-beaten chest. In his hand he had his obligatory flagon of cola and around him stood his crew of a dozen men; a motley and sorry looking bunch, some with teeth, some without; some with hair, some with none; some with beards, some with earrings; some with legs and some with stumps; all though with fierce and excited eyes that stared at their captain with amazement.

  For they watched their skipper stand proudly on the deck with two fairies beside him; two fairies who had eaten, been looked after, had slept well (which most of the pirate crew found most upsetting) and were now wearing pirate clothes consisting of striped trousers, flowing un-tucked shirts and large boots. The clothes were far too big and hung like blankets from the two young fairies delicate frames. But they wore them as they had been told, and Capden Den was explaining to his men why.

  Capden Den burped as he spoke and the men winced in preparation of his stale breath reaching their nostrils.

  "Now men," he waved flamboyantly. "Here are two fairies, two stowaways, deserters, rebels, cast-offs, fairies. Two fairies, though not the one we're looking for, and men?"

  He did not wait for a reply to his question.

  "They need our help."

  There was a murmur of disapproval from the crescent-shaped band of pirates around him. He raised his arm to quiet them down.

  "I hear your disgrunt?disagruntle?dis?I hear your moans, but I won't listen to them. This is our time, imagine a world where a pirate can come and go as he pleases?"

  Bosun Bill raised his hand and spoke.

  "Isn't that what we do anyway Capden?"

  Bill's words were followed with a chorus of laughter from the crew.

  "Yes. No! Is it? Yes, it is, but imagine my band of bladders, a land where we could actually come and go without being worried about being caught."

  The twelve men all looked at each other curiously, all thinking the same thing: had their captain gone mad, had he drunk too much cola or was he under the influence of an evil fairy spell?

  Bosun Bill spoke up again. "Have you gone mad, or had too much cola, or are you under the influence of an evil fairy spell?"

  There was another caterwaul of laughter as Bill echoed the men's thoughts exactly.

  "No." Capden Den laughed nervously, before toppling backwards awkwardly as he took another gulp of cola.

  "No my friends, I'm neither mad nor under the influence, I'm optimis?optical, hopeful for the future of our beloved sea."

  "Then what is the plan?" Bosun Bill asked with a grin.

  Capden Den chuckled with wicked delight, he clapped his hands together with excitement then coughed as the laugh got stuck in his throat; he stroked his small pointed beard and brushed cola from his lips with his sleeve, leaving a dark brown stain on his cuff.

  "We're going to turn these two fairies into?pirates."

  With that, all of the men laughed uproariously. The two fairies glanced worryingly to Capden Den who just looked calmly back at them and rolled his eyes with amusement.

  "They're always like this, they're a funny bunch." He whispered to his two guests.

  Capden Den took control of his crew, by stamping his boot loudly on the hard deck of the ship.

  "Men!" he boomed. "I need your help, we'll turn these two into pirates and we need to take them to the Fairy Retreat on the far side of the Third Island of Solitude, there we will drop them off and peace will come to the fair world that we call?what do we call this world?"

  The whole crew looked about and shrugged their shoulders; no one really knew where they were.

  "Oh well," continued Capden Den, "this world that I call, marvellous. Bosun Bill, come with me. We need to give these two young things pirate training. The rest of you, set sail northwards towards the Third Isle?"

  "Err, Capden?" one of the pirates spoke up.

  "Yes, erm?mate." Den replied, trying to remember the pirate's name.

  "We need supplies, we're out of gunpowder, there's no bread or crackers, Whiffy Will needs some perfume and my boot's got a hole in it."

  "Blimey!" Capden Den put his hand to his head in disbelief. "Always out of bread, we never have bread. Did you use a slice for your boot?"

  "Yes Capden."

  "Good. Right, south it is to port, then north to?where did I say?"

  Bosun Bill put his hand up to answer. "Third Isle."

  "Third Isle it is!" Capden Den confirmed. "Come Bill, you need to teach our two pirate trainees. The rest of you, anchors away old chums!"

  Chapter Five of?

  Capden Den lounged on the stolen, red velvet chaise longue in his cabin while Bosun Bill looked over the two castaway fairies; he examined them up and down in their oversized pirate clothes and tutted to himself as he checked them over.

  "I can't make pirates out of these." He muttered.

  Capden Den stretched an arm out to the floor, where his freshly poured flagon of cola sat in waiting and took a long and satisfying gulp.

  "You did with me." He burped.

  "But," sighed Bosun Bill. "You were already mad. These two are just utterly?well they have wings for goodness sake and pointy ears!"

  "You can't see the wings under those shirts." Capden Den argued.

  "You can see the ears though." Bill grumbled.

  "Then we'll give them hats!" Capden Den suggested.

  The two young fairies stood together in silence. The female fairy, visibly becoming more and more uncomfortable at the situation, nervously reached for the hand of the male fairy and gazed up at him for reassurance.

  "Oh my, No!" Bill cried and waved his arms in the air with exasperation. "They're in love too!"

  "What?" exclaimed Capden Den with a grin of excitement. "How very lovely," he continued. "How very lovely indeed, is that how you sleep so well?"

  Capden Den's eyes sparkled with delight and he bared his yellowed teeth proudly at the two fairies. He instantly sat up and stared at them with wonder; not expecting an answer to his question as pirates and fairies had not spoken for years. Then he remembered who he was and acted like a pirate captain should, pretending to be relaxed and in control, when he actually wanted to ju
mp up and down like a child at Christmas.

  Just as he calmed himself down and stopped grinning, a tiny, tinkling sound came from the female fairy; it was a sweet tune, like a chime dancing in the wind or a small bell moving on a Christmas tree.

  "We're in love." Came the beautiful noise that echoed around the stale air of the captains' quarters.

  Capden Den froze and stared in amazement, first at the two stowaways, then at his right-hand man Bosun Bill.

  "They spoke." Bill whispered as his eyes widened with shock.

  "I know." Capden Den could hardly contain the wonder in his voice.

  "But fairies never?" Bill couldn't believe his ears and couldn't finish his sentences.

  "I know." Capden Den agreed.

  Then the young male fairy stepped forward boldly and bowed gracefully to Capden Den.

  "I thank you sir for helping us." He said in a voice just as beautiful and musical but with more bass to it. "You have been very kind to us and we feel it is only fair that we should treat you as our equals."

  "Amazing!" Capden Den exclaimed as he slapped his thigh with his hand. "They spoke to us!"

  "I know." Bill nodded as he giddily started to jump up and down on the spot.

  The female fairy stepped forward to join her love and she tightened her grip around his hand.

  "We have escaped from the fairy kingdom with the help of Wise Old Fairy Falkirk, we need to get to Queen Loukatos and we need to find my step-brother."

  "The queen?" Capden Den whistled. "The queen who, so the story goes, upped and abandoned the king to form her own band of do-gooding fairy?people?"

  "Yes." The fairy's voice sprinkled into the air. "I'm her daughter, Princess Caldora and this is the son of my mother's cousin, Prince Purplerain."

  The young fairy prince bowed again as he was introduced to the two pirates, who both remained perfectly still, eyes wide and mouths opened so wide that dribble was dripping down the tips of their lips.

  Then, with sudden purpose, Capden Den shook his head and broke himself away from the beautiful spell that the fairies had unknowingly put them under; he sprang out of his chaise longue athletically and knocked over his cup of cola in the process.

  "Oh blimey!" he cursed at the fallen cup as it emptied its contents of brown, fizzy liquid all over his hand-made, priceless (and stolen) rug.

  "I need a cloth Bill." He snapped.

  But before Bosun Bill could move, Prince Purplerain waved his fingers in front of him and then something magical happened.

  A small ball of light appeared from where his fingers danced and, from that ball, tiny stars flew out and gathered together in a glorious sphere. Prince Purplerain blew the stars across the room towards the spill on the rug and in just a few seconds, before two wide-eyed pirates, the mess of brown liquid gently faded before disappearing altogether.

  Once the mess had gone, the stars flickered around the fallen flagon and tipped it back upright, re-filling the cup with more liquid. The flagon lifted into the air and floated across the room toward Capden Den's outstretched hand.

  "Wow!" Capden Den laughed before looking at the contents of his flagon. He gently put the cup to his lips and took a sip. "Doesn't taste like my usual tipple though." He questioned.

  The prince smiled as the ball of light returned to the palm of his hands and softly disappeared back into his fingertips.

  "I don't know what it is that you drink." The prince replied softly and with music.

  Bosun Bill collapsed onto the floor, his legs falling away in disbelief as if they were made of jelly; the other three instantly turned around to the heap of noisy pirate on the floor.

  Capden Den laughed. "Oh Bill, you are such a wet sponge. Do you know what all this means, do you?"

  Bill gingerly got himself up and shakily stood to attention, trying to restore some dignity in front of the two royal fairies.

  Capden Den leaned forward with mad eyes, looking at all three of them, wanting an answer to what he had just said.

  "Well?" He nodded, as if he were giving them permission to speak. "Anyone want to speak?" he continued.

  "Anyone know what all of this means?" He repeated.

  Bill, Prince Purplerain and Princess Caldora all looked at each other with confusion and shrugged their shoulders.

  "No?" gasped Capden Den. "I don't believe it, none of you know what this means?"

  Bill, sweeping dust from his trousers, could only whisper. "No."

  "Oh for goodness sake!" Capden Den wailed. "What about you two, you're royal, that means you're clever right?"

  The princess gazed with puzzlement at the captain. "I'm not sure what it means, no." she tinkled.

  "Well that is just perfect!" sighed Capden Den. "That is just brilliant, here we are again, leaving it all up to me to find the answers."

  Capden Den paused as thoughts raced through his mind.

  "Well, I have no idea either, but it must be something good." Capden Den leaned into the two fairies and grinned mischievously, breathing his drink all over them.

  "Now then girls and boys," he continued before they could wince at his stale breath. "Pirate training, step one, the talk."

  Chapter Six of?

  Fairy Falkirk's' heavy, leather-booted footsteps boomed about the large marble entrance hall of the Fairy Palace. Unlike most fairies he liked to walk, rather than fly with his silken wings. Being old and wise Falkirk knew that he had six limbs all of equal use and liked to use them equally. In truth his wings were actually getting quite fragile through age and he had decided of his own accord to rest them when he could and let his legs, still young from little use, do most of the travelling. But he would never admit this to any other fairy.

  Osborne flew busily beside him, soaking in the attention from his fellow fairies at having found Falkirk and getting him to come before the king. To Osborne those looks were of admiration, in reality they were looks of bitter jealousy.

  Osborne reached the large wooden door to the king's throne room and knocked loudly.

  "Enter!" Boomed the king's voice from behind the door.

  Osborne breathed in deeply and then pushed the heavy frame open.

  The king sat on his throne with his large overhanging belly protruding from his tunic and resting on his knees.

  As Osborne floated in, followed by the walking Falkirk, the king suddenly got excited; he clapped with delight and a smile could be seen through his long facial hair.

  "Falkirk." He gruffed. "Come in old friend, please come in."

  Falkirk slowly walked up to face the king and bowed down low, his nose almost touching the cold, hard floor.

  "Your majesty." Falkirk said graciously before raising an eyebrow, "Putting on a bit of weight aren't we?" He said mischievously.

  The king stared quizzically at this wise old fairy and there was silence for a second until the king laughed, though it sounded more like a dog barking.

  "Yes." The king agreed. "How very insightful of you."

  "Thank you sire." Falkirk bowed again. "What can I help you with?"

  King Tobias glanced at the fairies doting around him and his eyes darted towards the open entrance. They took it as their order to leave and hurried out, closing the door behind them. Only Osborne remained, quietly observing.

  Finally happy that they were alone, the king's wings flapped and he drifted up out of his throne to stand opposite Falkirk.

  "I have a problem." The king said.

  Falkirk looked hesitantly at his king, thinking he knew what he had been summoned for, though he was not going to admit anything to such a despicable king as Tobias.

  "I have heard rumour," the king said. "That there has been some kind of development at my wife's retreat in the north glades. Have you heard or seen anything?"

  Falkirk stared hard at the king, surprised that the king, a father, had not mentioned his daughter first. Being careful that his mad eyes and quizzical eyebrows did not give anything away, Falkirk paused and nodded graciously.
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  "What is it that I'm supposed to know?" Falkirk answered the question with a question, which is always a good way of getting out of trouble.

  "I've heard that Fairy Otto Mobil has invented a fantastic machine and that he is going to use it to lure all the fairies from our fairy village away from under my nose. I want to know if you know anything about this?"

  Falkirk stroked his bare-chin as he searched through the large files of knowledge he kept within his head for an answer. In fact, he knew nothing, but being old he was going to pretend that he knew everything and was always right.

  "I've heard of something your majesty." Falkirk lied.

  "And what have you heard?"

  Falkirk stroked his chin again, and then brushed through his wise old white hair with his fingers. Then it struck him, it came from out of nowhere but the thought was so clear that it could only have come from the wind. He spoke without thinking.

  "I've heard of a magical new galleon, based on a pirate's model of a ship, that does not only travel on the seas but also, through the use of some sort of powered forward wheel action, can travel on land. It has already been tested on the salty plains towards Hippo Lagoon and been successful, with a speed of three hundred wing beats per minute."

  Osborne choked on something and the king glared at him.

  "If you can't stand the heat Osborne, stay out of the throne room." The king roared.

  "That should be kitchen, your majesty." Falkirk corrected the king with a paternal smile.

  "I know," the king agreed, "but I liked the play on words and that we're in the throne room at the moment."

  "Perfect your majesty." Falkirk lied.

  Osborne put his hand up to apologise and remained silently on the spot where he was.

  The king then glared at Falkirk.

  "I knew you'd know, you wise old fairy. Have you seen it?"

  "No." came the reply.

  "Have you heard it?"

  "No." came the reply.

  "Do you know how many people it might carry?"

  "No." came the reply.

  "Oh." The king sighed. "Shame. Then I want you to find these things out for me, if you would be so kind."

  Falkirk nodded without even thinking about it, for he knew that when you are in the company of someone you don't like, you should agree to do anything if it gets you out of their company, because once you are far away they won't know what you're doing anyway.